The job search has gotten me down. Like way down. Like I don’t know if I want to cry or throw up, down. Currently, I’m doing neither. I’m just trying to avoid my emotions and answer the one question I can’t get out of my mind: “what the fuck?”
Luckily, I know a lot of my peers are experiencing a similar vibe. We don’t really know what’s going on. Or what we’re doing. Or what we should be doing. Literally, WTF?
It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I truly thought this part of my life was going to be like a sitcom. A core group of pals who get up to hijinks that are later recapped at their regular bar. I don’t got none of that. My core group of pals is smattered across at least four different states. My life is too depressing and boring for any hijinks. And the only place I’m a regular is my grocery store (shout out to my favorite clerk, Kirk, love the haircut). But I’m not alone; as far as I know, none of my peers are living the New Girl, Cheers, How I Met Your Mother, It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia, Sex and the City, life.
We’re collectively too busy finding therapists, applying for jobs, trying to drink enough water, working, meal prepping, taking depression naps, keeping succulents alive, figuring out how to afford student loan payments, and stress cleaning to even think about going to a bar daily. Who has time for all that? Fictional characters.
I’m frustrated that I’m not living that sitcom life. I’m frustrated with my job search. I’m a little bit lonely. I’m an anxious hot mess. And I kind of want to go to the top of a mountain and just scream curse words at the sky. But I logically know that’s not going to fix anything. Honestly, I might just have to just ride it out. This stage of my life is just WTF. And I don’t think I’m alone in that feeling. I truly hope I’m not the only one who is feeling this clueless.
WTF. WTF. WTF. The question doesn’t stop. So screw it, I’m going to make it a statement: this is the Year of WTF. It kind of sucks. But I’ll probably survive. Hopefully by 2020 I’ll have some clarity, a job, and a therapist who helps me get my shit together. Or maybe the Year of WTF will become an Era of WTF. Either way, I’m thankful for the friends who are WTF-ing with me.
Have you had a period of life when you just felt clueless/aimless/helpless? Please feel free to commiserate in the comments below.